A reflection and look back at my journey towards motherhood! This post was dedicated to a friend who was feeling anxious and was written in 2013 -when Ammarah my eldest was just a tiny baby! – hope it benefits my readers too 🙂
6 and a half months ago I was at a place in my life where I was feeling a lot of different things; the nerves, the unknown, the thought of labour pain, am I ready for motherhood and the alien looking fat feet – I was feeling a lot of different things. It’s sometimes difficult to explain and only someone who’s been through this will truly understand. The final trimester in pregnancy is definitely the most nerve-wracking especially when it’s your first pregnancy. Some days I’d keep myself busy in the home and forget about the day when I had to deliver, forget about the pains labour may bring. Some days I’d feel so nervous and worried and my dear husband would remind me of the story of Maryam [as] in the Qur’an. How alone she was, yet she trusted in her Lord. How worried she must have been at the thought of what her community may be thinking at her being pregnant and now with child where she claims no man had ever touched her, yet she trusted her Lord.
And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm tree. She said, “Oh, I wish I had died before this and was in oblivion, forgotten.” (19.23)
I used to read this verse and feel nervous that Maryam [as] was in so much pain. Because it is intense! But the response to her words by Jibreel would ease my nerves.
But he called her from below her, “Do not grieve; your Lord has provided beneath you a stream. (19.24)
This made be me believe with conviction that Allah would never place a burden on anyone who could not bare it. Allah knew Maryam [as] would bare this, in the same way I would and so have many millions of mothers everywhere.
I began to tell myself that being pregnant and having a baby is something so natural and as Allah tells us with every hardship there is ease. InshaAllah I remained confident and tried not to panic. My supportive family made my experience all the more easier, alhamdulillah.
Whilst the pangs of labour began quite slowly they certainly gave me a fright at the beginning, especially when you come to terms with the fact that the day has finally arrived. You are going to have a baby! I think there is a real blessing in the early stages of labour where the pain isn’t as intense and comes about every hour. It allows you to overcome the shock of being in labour. Because I had attended a pain relief session both my husband and I were fully aware of what to expect if the situation changed. So I was mentally prepared there.
Really and truly for me the experience as a whole was something so beautiful. I saw before my eyes a real miracle from Allah, what greater sign could I need to be even more convinced that all praises are due to Allah. I knew at the time of intense pain I was on my own. Whilst I had all the support I needed in the labour room, it was really down to me to do this. But I needed Allah to help. With almost all the contractions, I prayed Allah would get me through this. I was no longer nervous or worried. In fact I developed a new feeling inside. I’m going to do this. I will do this. And by the will of Allah swt I did. It was the most fabulous feeling ever to have delivered a baby girl. And the strangest thing was I forgot the pains of labour. It is so natural!
I know my dear friend is thinking I’ve painted the most fairy tale picture of being in labour! But I guess 6 months later it still seems so surreal! It is of course a different experience for everyone. The key thing is I think is not to panic, remain positive and know you can do it! InshaAllah!
Yes there is pain, yes it hurts and yes it will feel never ending on the day but yes you will be able to cope and you will pull through inshaAllah. Trust in Allah swt to pull you through every difficult situation you are faced with. You will be rewarded with a real bundle of joy straight after all the hardship inshaAllah.